[Old version]

The notion of 'love thy neighbour' is all very well and good, but surely it doesn't apply to nutters that take it upon themselves to jump over the garden wall and chop down your trees in the middle of the night…

Grant scrubs his car - then he stands back on the kerb
Admiring his pride and joy in the neighbourhood
The soap suds in the gutter
Causing itch, cough and splutter
Grant wouldn’t change his brand even though he should

Later in his garden, Eden’s paving slab delight
Burnt lobster red on his deck chair
But something up above is blocking out the sunlight
There’s far too many oxygen particles in the air

Blacked up at night, his neighbours snug and dreaming
Grant’s shadow creeps in the moonlight
In his teeth he holds an axe
He scales the wall and hacks
Thing’s sure go bump in the middle of the night

Everything is alive and thriving in the sunlight
Except for the rotting branches by the garden wall
Slugs, shrubs, and snails and kitty cat's tails
Grant’s philosophy reads “Kill ‘em all!”

Have you seen the Milk Tray man? He came in the night
Like someone acting sneakily, suspiciously
Grant takes a bite from his alar-sprayed delight
“Is there a problem? It’s only a tree”


A Friend in Need is a Pest
Air-Con One
@ Fuck
Another Boring Eastfield Song
Beast of Bratislava
Big Brother
Broad Street Trash
Burt Reynolds Rides Again
Bury Vic Berry
Cancer of the Universe
Chiddingfold General
CI5 Revisited
Cigarettes and Tourettes
Come to Bevland
David Icke
Drive on Henry
Don't Phone Back
Eate Yourself Dead
Eddie Watson
Elvis is Dead and Jazz is Shit
Everything is Marvellous
Fare Dodging
Fortuna Hell
Get a Grip
God's Plastic Railway
Grant the Lumberjack (old)
Grant the Lumberjack (new)
Grica Hate
Hearing Nothing About a Revolution
How to Rip Off Your Band Mates
Hucknal! Get Out of my Car!
Humour Exclusion Zone
It's Gotta be a Record Breaker
Jeremy's Dream
John's Not Mad
Jostick Head
Jumping Someone Else's Train
Just Like the Sixties
Keep on Tracking the Train
La Jonquera
Mick Murphy's Dirty Bar
Milton of Leys
Money Money Money Money
Mr. Willis
Off the Rails
Pedigree Scum
Peace and Love Muthafucka
Plastic Buddha (Kwai)
Port Talbot Transport Police
Radio West
Rod, Hull and Emo
Sharks Against Surfers
Sky Burial at Warton Crag
Summer Hill Blues
The Black Hole (Fekete Ut)
The Cult of Ted Moult
The Gasman
The Second Fastest Cycle Courier in London
Three Chords Good, Four Chords Bad
Three Seats
Todd Landers
Tudor House Painter
Weston Super Scare
Why do people sing about riots?

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