On 28th June 1991, 47615 works the 07.00 London Paddington to Cardiff. The train is totally packed except for one compartment where the Falklands hero sits alone.

Simon sinks down, doesn't offer a word
The mirror hacked, cracked, whacked, smacked
by a samurai sword
We're gonna have a party but the compo's empty
The corridors wedged with people a-plenty
Poised to fall out the door, Pull the emergency cord

Could 145 Miles, 11 chains be worse?
Travelling back to the engine so the brute doesn't burst
The T.T.I. comes, compelled to start gripping
He pulls back the door, sick starts dripping
A little added bonus for travelling 'Weekend first'

So come back from your travels with your soul in tatters
Your skin all battered and scarred
With a slap on the back, it's "welcome back"
To the ruck of well-wishing cards
All this talk of incendaries in documentaries,
chat shows, signing books
Well it beats despatches and selling matches
And writing to...(Why, Oh why, Oh why?)...Barry Took
(Simon Weston put your orange vest on)

On arrival at Cardiff, paranoia is seeping through
The Canton carriage cleaners have been issued with special suits
They scrub down the windows, hose down the floors
Recover all the seats, bolt up the doors
A red cross daubed and carted off to C.F. Booth

***So come back from your travels...etc.

The man from the ministry's red faced and peeved
He pays off the cleaners, orders them "Stand at ease"
He screams at the foreman "It's not contageous"
Subsequent treatment was quite outrageous
When the tabloids got the scoop
'Haulage by Jason Vorhees'

***So come back from your travels...etc.


A Friend in Need is a Pest
Air-Con One
@ Fuck
Another Boring Eastfield Song
Beast of Bratislava
Big Brother
Broad Street Trash
Burt Reynolds Rides Again
Bury Vic Berry
Cancer of the Universe
Chiddingfold General
CI5 Revisited
Cigarettes and Tourettes
Come to Bevland
David Icke
Drive on Henry
Don't Phone Back
Eate Yourself Dead
Eddie Watson
Elvis is Dead and Jazz is Shit
Everything is Marvellous
Fare Dodging
Fortuna Hell
Get a Grip
God's Plastic Railway
Grant the Lumberjack (old)
Grant the Lumberjack (new)
Grica Hate
Hearing Nothing About a Revolution
How to Rip Off Your Band Mates
Hucknal! Get Out of my Car!
Humour Exclusion Zone
It's Gotta be a Record Breaker
Jeremy's Dream
John's Not Mad
Jostick Head
Jumping Someone Else's Train
Just Like the Sixties
Keep on Tracking the Train
La Jonquera
Mick Murphy's Dirty Bar
Milton of Leys
Money Money Money Money
Mr. Willis
Off the Rails
Pedigree Scum
Peace and Love Muthafucka
Plastic Buddha (Kwai)
Port Talbot Transport Police
Radio West
Rod, Hull and Emo
Sharks Against Surfers
Sky Burial at Warton Crag
Summer Hill Blues
The Black Hole (Fekete Ut)
The Cult of Ted Moult
The Gasman
The Second Fastest Cycle Courier in London
Three Chords Good, Four Chords Bad
Three Seats
Todd Landers
Tudor House Painter
Weston Super Scare
Why do people sing about riots?

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