Grant scrubs his car - then he stands back on the kerb
Admiring his pride and joy in the neighbourhood
The soap suds in the gutter
Causing itch, cough and splutter
Grant wouldn’t change his brand even though he should

Later in his garden, Eden’s paving slab delight
Burnt lobster red on his deck chair
But something up above is blocking out the sunlight
There’s far too many oxygen particles in the air

Blacked up at night, his neighbours snug and dreaming
Grant’s shadow creeps in the moonlight
In his teeth he holds an axe
He scales the wall and hacks
Thing’s sure go bump in the middle of the night

Everything is alive and thriving in the sunlight
Except for the rotting branches by the garden wall
Slugs, shrubs, and snails and kitty cat's tails
Grant’s philosophy reads “Kill ‘em all!”

Have you seen the Milk Tray man? He came in the night
Like someone acting sneakily, suspiciously
Grant takes a bite from his alar-sprayed delight
“Is there a problem? It’s only a tree”